anna

fuck living in a single apartment.
this year blows some serious asshole. i don't think i've ever experienced so many things go wrong consecutively in such a short amount of time. it's amazing, really.
my plan for the remainder of this semester is to sort of just float through everything, get good grades, and hope that all the bad things to come will just blur together and i won't notice what's going on around me. and hopefully get accepted to the amsterdam program, leave the country, and hope that the whole out of sight out of mind deal will kick in right off the bat.
wish me luck.

i don't like going out anymore.
i don't like how i haven't gone out all week/weekend.
i don't like having so much work that i don't know where to start.
i don't like being so busy.
i don't like not being busy.
i don't like complaining all the fucking time.
i don't like my black hair.

i don't like this fleeting feeling that my life is all of a sudden falling apart.
i don't like that i sound like so dramatic right now.
i just need a break.

to preface, i know i'm not the most responsible, together person all the time. oh yes really i know.
but i feel like trying to be reasonable and rational and realistic about everything is getting the best of me lately. i get so caught up in nitpicking everything that nothing's fun anymore.
i need to relax, let go, and sit the fuck down.
vacation would be good?
eh, i have either an exam, something due, or an exam and something due every day next week.
i hope when all that's over and done with i can still breathe.
matt's coming on thursday (or wednesday?) and bringing me home on friday (or thursday?). that boy does so much for me. not only does he put up with...well me in general, but he does things for me that i am less than deserving of. so i guess that's a cynical, ineloquent way of saying that i adore him and i'm never less than amazed at the lengths he goes to to try and make me happy. i don't know if my actions reflect that. i wish i could do more.
kayshutup anna.

so this might be really creepy considering i really have no idea who this girl is but...( i found my twin on myspace. )

(this is from last night but i was too tired to finish it. so just pretend or something.)
i got around two hours of sleep last night and my eyes are becoming kinda swollen but something really big is keeping me up. i'm a little bit overwhelmed with the way i'm feeling right now, but in a good way. and you don't know what i'm talking about. and that's okay. my brain's all fuzzy and the like.


1. Something purple within 5 feet of you?
my lovely h&m scarf

2. The sexiest item of clothing you own?
granny panties paired with an open necked shirt. duh.

3. Your nails were last painted:
bright pink a really really long time ago. my fingernails are minute.

4. The weirdest thing you've ever heated in the microwave?
i once thought it would be okay to put a jar of peanut butter in the microwave and i'm really glad i didn't walk away because it caused a miniature explosion.

5. How much Japanese do you know?
i used to own the movie "Big Bird Goes to Japan". i think i learned some japanese from that shit. but i don't remember any. so none.

6. Do you look good in yellow?
i look...yellow-y? probably washed out. because i'm pale. and i like it that way. fuck you fake baked bitches.

7. Do you sing?
not so much anymore. now mainly just "breathe" with meg in a drunken stupor.

8. Ever danced naked in front of a crowd?
no thank you. public nudity isn't really my cup of tea.

10. Do you have a nice cell phone?
it's alright. i don't really care about its quality. it's blue and it functions and it's flippy. and that's good enough.

11. Least favorite color?
i don't like orange that much. in terms of clothing. it reminds me of pumpkins. and squash. and those types of vegetables in the gourd family.

12. Ever had Dippin' Dots?
yeah. ice cream of the fuckin future man. they're so high tech and...ball-like. wow.

13. Ever played an instrument?
let's see, trumpet in my elementary school tomboy phase (where did that come from?), piano sort of kind of, and of course my famous tambourine debut in chambers that one time.

14. Ever had an H2O massage?
no? those things in the mall that look kinda like coffins or something? creepy no thank you.

15. Do you believe in Big Foot??
my neighbor at college has really big feet. maybe she is big foot. so yeah. i guess i do. because she's my neighbor.

16. Ever been to a palm reader?
nope.

17. Last Pez dispenser you had?
i think it was a sheep. seriously. like...just a sheep.

18. Had sex in your current car?
nuh uh.

19. Did you have a good weekend?
i did, thank you. my weekend was probably better than your weekend too. because it was that good.

20. Do you have a best friend?
no way. but i do have a select few BESTBITCHES.

21. Do you go tanning?
no. it makes me claustrophobic and i don't like being orangey.

22. How is today going for you?
i don't really know, stressful and surprising and happy and weird and tiring.

23. Any plans for tonight?
immediate bedtime when this is over? yeah i don't know why i'm still up either. fuck you survey.

24. Have you ever had stitches?
no. except for that one time after i got my 6th toe removed.

26. If you could be anywhere right now where would you be?
in my bed which is approximately two feet away from me. hello bed. i want to be in you right now. actually maybe i'd ambush matt's bed. that would be nice too.

27. Do you find yourself sexy?
i'm so sexy it hurts to look at myself.

28. Current disappointment?
my incessant procrastination as of late.

29. Do you have an air freshener in your car?
no. they always get lost somehow. but when i do it's coconut-y.

30. Do you have plants in your room?
no, but kristin is growing some sort of bulbs in our refrigerator. yeah, i dunno either.

31. If you could drink anything right this second, what would it be?
sex on the beach?

32. Last piece of mail opened?
a valentines-y package from my mom because she's a toolbag.

33. Does anything hurt on your body right now?
mainly my eyes and my neck and my butt from sitting in a strange position and some other things too but what's the use in complaining hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm?

34. What city was your last taxi cab ride in?
ithaca? we like to consider ourselves a city okay??? it was green hornet, the best cab company around that just happens to be run by a drug dealing pimp.

35. If someone you hated died, would you laugh and spit on their grave?
no thanks, that's cruel and pointless.

36. What were you doing at 9 PM last night?
watching Foxxy Brown in film class. she castrated some guy and it was kind of ridic. or shall i say ridick. wow i'm so funny.

37. What is your favorite drink at Starbucks?
grande black coffee with three and a half splendas. because i'm boring and predictable tralala.

38. Steak or ham?
a green leafy vegetable resembling steak?

39. Ever turn someone's kiss down?
yes.

40) When was the last time you went to the bathroom outside?
i don't pop-a-squat. I'M A LADY.

41) Which was your favorite pokemon?
sadly, i never got into pokemon. i did however watch power rangers and my favorite was the yellow ranger because the pink ranger was a pussy.

42) Which family member do you most resemble?
none of them really. i'm just a big weirdo jewfy.

43) Do you own your own Bible?:
no. unless you consider aaron carter's fan book the bible. in that case yes i do. seriously, i own that shit.

44) Do you wear deodorant?
yes. my armpits constantly smell like radiant silk. although i don't really see how that's a scent.

45) When was the last time you tripped and fell?
i actually came dangerously close to tripping up the stairs today on the way to my dorm while holding a full cup of coffee. instead i just kind of ended up propelling myself up the stairs and almost into the window. it was pretty graceful.

46) Where was the last place you slept besides your home?:
matt's dorm where the beds are just slightly bigger than mine but it somehow makes all the difference.

48) What are you listening to right now?:
"teardrop" by massive attack, courtesy of lizziebee.

49) Ever run out of gas on the road?:
no, my mild case of driving paranoia kind of prevents that from happening.

50) Would you rather cut the grass or rake the leaves?
raking leaves is okay. followed by leaf throwing and leaf pile jumping and things of that nature.

51) Your middle name spelled backward?:
nasus. looks like a the name of a planet.

52) What's the last song you downloaded on your computer?
"anthems for a seventeen-year-old Girl" by broken social scene

53) Last time you swam in a pool?:
sometime in the summer maybe dan's?

54) Have you ever been in a school play?:
yeah, i'm the girl in the background.

55) How many kids do you want?:
babies are gross.

56) Type of music you dislike most?
country. and after this weekend, shitty reggae.

57) You registered to vote?:
yep

58) Ever been arrested?
Nope.

59) Ever prank called anybody?:
Ohhhhhh yes.

60) Would you go bungee jumping or sky diving?:
i don't think so. maybe if i knew the exact moment of my death i'd do one of the other right before. probably sky diving. i'm not a big fan of whiplash.

61) Do you have a garden?:
no. we have a tree though. and some bulbs in our fridge, as i mentioned.

62) What's your favorite comic?:
comic like comic strip? i dunno i used to read the funnies when i was little and they weren't that funny. maybe foxtrot or something like that. because they have bulbous faces.

63) Bath or Shower, morning or night?:
shower, night. but i like to shower in the morning. baths just kind of suck.

64) Best movie you've seen in the past two weeks?
our dvd player decided to die so the only movies i've seen have been in film class. they were all kinda lame but "Imitation of Life" was really amusing and corny and cliche and melodramatic. go see it, it's a laugh.

65) Best pizza topping?:
cheese. and broccoli if i'm feeling dangerous. because i'm boring.

66) peanuts or popcorn?:
peanuts. popcorn is always a let down and just smells nice and peanuts are salty and delicious and protein-filled.

67) Orange Juice or apple?:
fresh-squeezed orange that tastes like you're eating an orange. i don't really drink juice a lot though. i'm sure you really care to know this important information about my juice-drinking habits. anyway, i'd like to try a mimosa sometime in the near future.

68) When was the last time you voted at the polls?:
haven't yet.

69) What song are you listening to now?
"my lovely" by eisley

70) Are you good?:
yes, i am good at all things there are to be good at.

71) Ever order anything from an infomercial?:
no. so many infomercial products look sweet though. like that towel for your hair that looks like a turban. someone get me that.

okay there 987354 feet of snow on the ground. ima go play in that shit.

i'm in SUCH a weird mood today. i can't converse normally with people today and i keep babbling nonsense. not that i don't do that regularly to begin with but today i've got an extreme case of the crazies.
it probably has a little bit to do with the fact that i got < 2 hours of sleep last night due to too much nervousness about finals and grades and all that jazz, too much coffee, too much adderall, too much anxiety in general. i think too much when it's dark out. oops.
spontaneous trip to philly this weekend was exciting. i loved driving up with katy and kristin. and i'm not just saying that to make them feel good about themselves because they don't read this. or maybe they're stalking me and are reading this i don't really know. that would be creepy, kinda like something i would do. they are such lovely fun girls. katy is so genuine and kind and we had so much fun being fucking delirious and weeeeeeird on the drive back.
good thing i saw matt because it's not like i'm seeing him this week or anything like that at all. just kidding i had a lotttttt of fun and i'm really glad we went and sat and smiled and hookah...ed and were ridiculous and i can't get enough of that crazymotherfucker. i love spontaneity.
soooooooo one final down, three to go, soc and architecture finals on thursday can suck my hypothetical balls. worst day of my life right there basically. not really but it's going to be bad. but after that i'm home free. literally i guess. sort of. getting home isn't really going to be free in the it's-unnecessary-to-pay (i definitely didn't use those hyphens correctly) sense of the word. 62 bucks and i'm home free. actually, 62 bucks and i'll be in white plains. well whatever, i'm getting home friday around 4 and needless to say i couldn't be happier. sooner would've been better but i can't complain since i have a beautiful month off sans any sort of schoolwork whatsoever.
my neighbor and another girl on my floor left today. and our other neighbor left candy canes at everyones' doors and she's so cute and i just want to hug her until she explodes.
OKAY MORE PSYCH STUDY TIME. hence the schizophrenic tendencies demonstrated above. or just oddball tendencies. or delirious tendencies? AH. someone send me to the loony bin.

CAN'T. START. ESSAYS. EVER.
fuck i'm so sick of feminism and gender roles and exploiting women's bodies CAN'T WE ALL JUST GET ALONG????
soooooooooooooo for those of you who care to know, i get home from school at some point on friday the 22nd because finals at ithaca are lamelamelame as is the bus system.
but anyway,
fantastic things that i plan to do over christmas break:
-finish getting everyone their superawesome christmas gifts.
-christmas eve with matt maybe? charlie brown and a christmas story and hot chocolate "and at 12:01 we can be like, "Merry Christmas, assface."' haha.
-meghanmoviedate on CHRISTMAS!!!!! to see holiday (because it has jack black so i will automatically like it no matter what you say ALIXXXXXXXXXXXXX)
-go to barken
-go to new haven and get my industrial pierced (tattooed? probs not.) with meg (and anyone else?) and hookah bar (?)
-partypartyparty
-new york city for museums (photography and sex, chyeah)
-hang out with my best friends in the whole world and my boyfraaand and my sister and my maj and faj EVERY DAY. unless they don't want to. that's cool then i guess.
-go to the diner at some ridiculous hour.
-sit in the spots with meg because there wasn't enough of that on the last mini-vacation.
-play the piano. and learn new songs. and not suck.
-NOT go to long island.
-record "Breathe" with meg in a professional recording studio. haha just kidding joke joke.

okay i love you i miss you i'll see you soon hugs kisses bye.

good:
-matt came to visit this weekend and i had such a good time. despite getting lost, obnoxious/sloppy drunks, and matt's occasional uncontrollable fits of road rage, i had a good good good good weekend filled with art, quality cups o' joe, not losing horribly in bowling, waterfalls, and all that is good.
-a lot of my christmas shopping is done. i love christmas tiiime and the charlie brown christmas cd.

bad:
-most things/people here are really really starting to annoy me. i feel pretty behind on work and everyone is getting on my last nerves. not to mention i miss everyone sososo much and a month at home just doesn't seem like enough time to spend with everyone who's important to me. so yeah i just want to go home now please. also, kristin stop fucking crunching so fucking loud and turn off the fucking TV before i fucking bust a cap. seriously.
-two weeks is waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too long to still be here and also finals are going to be horrendous.

i guess i'll end the semester like i started it: by not starting my soc paper until at least 1 AM.

number one. IT'S FUCKING COLD. like...mother nature was just hanging out tralalala warm breezes frolicking squirrels sun showers rainbows and then all of a sudden WHAM!(yes like the band), it's eight degrees. literally. the windchill was eight. EIGHT. fuck, i don't understand global warming so the environment can suck it. but don't get me wrong, i am not complaining. i really do like the cold weather. eight's a little extreme, but i love snow and i love seeing my breath and i love the sky when it snows and how it's grey and would be depressing despite the fact that the white on the ground makes the day so much brighter. literally, brighter. and being the first footprints in a blank sheet of white. perfectionnnn. fuck seasonal depression, winter rules. kind of.
number two. the semester is almost over. not too shabby. college classes are pretty awesome. a DEFINITE upgrade from high school classes despite my mind-numbingly dull architecture class, i feel like i'm learning a lot. not just learning about how to multiply 14 polynomials or who settled Nebraska in what year or how to write a five paragraph essay according to SAT standards, but like...actually learning about important stuff and as depressing as it is to go from class to class of professors lecturing about how corrupt the world is and how fucked we are, i'm really interested and intrigued and i feel like i'm bettering myself and opening my mind. yeah. cool.
number three. my lower back hurts for unknown reasons. also cool. only cool in the way in which it's not that cool at all.
number four. I'M SO EXCITED to come home. for a long time. a fucking month. yessssssss. all will be well with my world (i hope). thanksgiving break was superb, so my expectations are high. i can't wait to be with my best friends and drive and be snow-bound (maybe) and be ridiculous and drink cocktails and give good gifts (maybe again) and snuggle and be warm and be cold and have red cheeks and noses and listen to music and play the piano and make fires and go to the beach and sing and drink coffee and everything. i get home later than everyone else (LAME), which also means mostly everyone will be going back before me. and that's sad because i'll be kind of alone. EXCEPT WAIT ALIX WILL BE HOME FOREVER so she better hang out with me every single day. also paige will be away and that makes me kind of really very sad. fuck you and your glamorous vacations paige. but tell nanny and dodo i say hi and hug them for me.
number five. matt's coming to visit me this weekend and i'm sososososo happy. i'm even going to wash my sheets for him. not that they're already repulsive or anything. and we're going to look at waterfalls and get drunk off cheap-ass liquor and go bowling and be freezing and i can't wait.
number six. i should probably start my soc paper. fuck you gender socialization. fuck. you.

kaybyeeeheartsss.

My uncle once: was from Africa and named Ibraheem.
Never in my life: have i been completely sure of anything.
When I was five: i had the most terrible haircut ever thanks to my mother. i was also extremely distractable.
High School was: a fucking roller coaster.
I once met: a man from nantucket?
There's this girl I know who: has been my friend since i was 2. i kind of hate her.
Last night: i couldn't sleep again because my brain wouldn't shut off so i distracted myself by reading about drug addicts.
Next time I go to church: will be for someone else.
When I turn my head left, I see: tree branches and a blue light.
When I turn my head right, I see: Kristin getting naked. as usual. and a suitcase i can't bring myself to unpack.
Days until my birthday: lots and lots.
If I was a Shakespeare character I'd be: Ophelia. but not quite as pathetic.
By this time next year: i will be in the same pathetic, unmotivated, stupid, beginning-of-winter mood.
A better name for me would be: Ann Sutton.
I have a hard time understanding: platypi?
If I never go back to school I'll: form a band with meg and perform only various renditions of “Michael Finnegan”. and become extremely rich and famous. and we will run away together with our fortune. and we will get married. on top of a mountain. and have a thousand cats and everyone will be jealous of our fame and our wealth and our cats.
You know I like you if: i tell other people how much i like you.
Take my advice: MANGOINAS are not sexy.
My ideal breakfast is: nothing. i hate breakfast a lot.
If you visit my hometown: leave something in my mailbox.
Why won't anyone: make a damn train station in ithaca?
If you spend the night at my house: you should know i like to spoon and i often laugh in my sleep.
I'd stop my wedding if: i was getting married.
The world could do without: jellyfish, bees, and other stinging creatures. oh yeah and like…war and disease and stuff maybe.
I'd rather lick the belly of a cockroach than: i don’t like the word belly i think it’s really stupid sounding. so i’m boycotting the question.
My favorite blonde is: MEGHAN RILEYYYYYYYYY.
If I do anything well, it is: being awkward.
And by the way: i miss you.
The last time I was high: i saw a tiny little bird that was actually a leaf and thought my car was rolling UP my driveway. that was superfuntimes.
The animal I would like to see flying besides birds are: meerkats.